Member-only story
Grieving During the Holidays and Other Special Events
In October 2020, my mom died from COVID. It was at the height of the pandemic and people were still in their bubbles, discouraged from traveling or holding large events. And in that context, none of the typical rituals were allowed to happen — no funeral, no wake, no clearing out of household items. And four years later, I am still trying to manage the waves of grief that fill my heart and head at times. I can attest that it does get better, but different to manage as the years pass.
My mom’s death in October was especially felt during the first major holiday that happened — Thanksgiving. Prior to the pandemic, my husband and I would travel to Ohio to have dinner with her and her husband. It was a simple tradition, but one I looked forward to each year. The next Thanksgiving was being hosted by my brother and his husband, with the appropriate social distancing and masks. My stepdad drove 24 hours to be there, so it was a ‘full house’ for our family. We realized that this first time seeing each other would be heavy with emotions — and it certainly was.
The first Thanksgiving, just weeks after her death, was filled with questions:
- What will our holidays look like in the future?
- What would my mom want us to do or feel right now?
- How do we talk about her…
