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Am I Grieving the Right Way?
In October 2020, my mom died from COVID. It was a sudden death, exacerbated by her COPD and a recent bout with pneumonia. In the past year and a half, I have learned to talk about her in the past tense, focusing on the facts of her death and its relationship to the hundreds of thousands of Americans who have also died from COVID. For the first few months after her death, it was all I could do to not to cry in my apartment. Eventually, those immediate emotions turned into something entirely different.
But this post isn’t about my mom, or even about her death. It is about my grief.
Or the lack thereof.
Grief or Relief
Since my mom died, I have talked to many friends and former colleagues about the death of their parents and other loved ones. Their stories are heartfelt and often filled with longing and some type of regret. Regret over missed experiences that happened after their death. Longing to hear their voice in any way. Missing them in tangible ways.
And my grief has not shown up in that way.
Lately, I’ve wondered if what I feel is grief.
Or relief.
